February 25th

The weekend of February 25th was what had to have been one of the worst weekends, leading up to one of the worst nights that I have had in ages. My fibro had flared horribly, my depression kicked in with a passion previously unknown, my children we're being coerced to do things that were against our family values. 


Living in Arizona always means a bit more stress to day to day living, between the drug smuggling and the high crime and very real possibility of being killed or kidnapped. It's not an exaggeration out here. The risk of those things happening are higher than normal, hence always being hyper sensitive to whats going on around us. I akin it to living in a war state. Eventually things are going to get to you.


I felt as if all hope was gone in my life, everything had been a failure. From my childhood, raising my children, moving my kids to one of the most unsafe places to live, failed marriages.. everything up to the very moment where I felt that there was nothing left to life anymore. 


Suddenly I remembered a message our Pastor told us to recite when things seem their darkest. Call on the name of the Lord.
"In the name of Jesus..."


I cried out "In the name of Jesus, leave me be!" I had such a sudden feeling of strength and I was able to finally stop crying. It was as if I felt His hand on my shoulder raising me out of the bed I had been lying in for 3 days. A friend of the family came by the next morning, he said that he had to come check on me. The night before he had such a strong feeling come over him to pray for me, he said it was overwhelming. He felt drawn to pray Psalm 25 for me...
 This really hit me... 
16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, For I am lonely and afflicted. 
17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses. 
18 Look upon my affliction and my [l]trouble, And forgive all my sins. 
19 Look upon my enemies, for they are many, And they hate me with violent hatred. 
20 Guard my soul and deliver me; Do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You. 
21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, For I wait for You. 
22 Redeem Israel, O God, Out of all his troubles.



It was then that I knew that He was watching over me. It was that moment that I knew that the afflictions happening to me were supernatural. He loves me and wants me to live. My fibro has not flared much since the weekend of Feb 25. I feel so much better, knowing that He is watching over me.

Psalm 25

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Just testing some coding for "pinning" :)

Such good news

Tomorrow I will share a story about an event this weekend that really saved me... but til then I just had to post this song. I was listening to Spotify and this song just jumped out at me! Audio Adrenaline "Walk On Water" Simon Peter won't you put those nets down follow me I'll lead you out of this town to a place where no boat has ever been I will make you a fisher of men Jesus walked out on the water said take courage it is me Peter trusted and he wanted to go farther so he stepped out on the sea If I keep my eyes on Jesus I can walk on water If I keep my eyes on Jesus I can walk on water Just like peter I want to go farther tread on the sea and walk on the water step where he steps and go where he goes side by side when the sea billows roll I'll be alright when the wind comes I'll be alright when the waves come crashing I'm not afraid for this is my father's world

What to do

What is there left to do when you have no faith left. When no matter what you have tried, it just doesn't work. I listen for Him, but all I hear is silence and an ever present knowledge that I am not a true Christian.
I try to push Him away, my study guides, bibles, notes, everything are by the door to be given away. I want my happiness back. My health. My love of life. From the day I tried to become a Christian is when things started to go downhill.
I give up, Nothing I have done amounted to a hill of beans.

Colors

I've always been in love with colors and how they effect our moods or how we perceive what they are attached to. I got messing around with Chasing Dreams Photography color palette boards. As much as I love looking at design-seeds color templates, there is just something more personal in using colors that have personally appealed to me. Oh and using my own photography :). Enjoy and I hope that something ticks and inspires you to use one of my color combinations!

Day late. dollar short

So I told my hubby that February 1st was going to be the beginning of my {repeat} weight loss journey... Yeah yesterday didn't quite work out, when there is barely enough time to catch the breath between errands, it's just not a good day to start.
 So even though I know that I need to come to terms with the fact that I AM overweight, it's been hard. I can't take any pics, because I don't want to ever remember this period of time in my life. My cholesterol levels had been hovering in dangerous levels. Statins lowered it, but they made me sick. Depression racks me on any given day and aches and pains rule my daily lifestyle. It's impossible to lay solid plans with friends, because we never know if I am going to be able to get out of bed on any given day.
Pictures... ahh if only I could have the courage like so many woman do nowadays. I just don't have it though. Yet!
So, we start with a mental image.
Weight: 205
Height: 5' 3"
BMI: 36.3
Lets see how this rollercoaster goes!!!